Today, I'm a little bit closer to getting into housing. I've had several meetings this week with different people in order to get onto the wait-list for a program called "Shelter Plus". It's a HUD supported program that will pay for my housing while I continue on the wait list for Section 8, wich is another HUD program that will pay for my housing for as long as I need it.
"Shelter Plus" is designed for homeless people with disabilities, to assist them in getting off the streets. It's because of my HIV status that I am qualifying for this.
I miss Lexi (my pitbul) today. Truth is, I miss her every day. I feel like I failed or let down a very important family member by not being able to keep her with me. The idea that I will never get her back hurts deeply. I can't remember having that sense of bond with any human in recent years. I don't even give my ex-partner a second thought. He's just another jerk who abused me and treated me like an object that he could toss out.
I knew for a couple months that I was going to have to break up with him at some point. Ever since I started having panick attacks while I was with him, something that never happened before in my entire life, I knew that I was with a really sick person who was mentally torturing me. The thing about my ex is that he started lying to me from the day I met him, and the lies never stoped. I fully expect that he is lying his way through his day today, and that he has told many lies about me to many people. That's just what he does. It's very much a part of who he is, and I don't expect any different. So, how can I feel any loss or remorse from that relationship. I allready grieved the loss of any real connection with him long ago.
Lexi, on the other hand is and was pure love and adoration. She didn't have the ability to lie or be lied to. If I was having a bad day and tried to fake it for her, she always saw right through me. When everything was well with me, she would respond with a wagging tail and strut in her step. She just knew, and I just loved her for that. I hope and pray that she's with someone or a family that appreciates her for her amazing ability to sense human emotions and respond to them. Lexi would never allow me to get so angry that I would yell. If I raised my voice around her she would bark at me. If I cried, she would lick my face, and if I smiled, she would wag her tail. That's just the kind of girl she is.
Bless you my sweet little girl, where ever you are. Your daddy loves you very much.
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